On the way home from bringing Lyla to school, Hannah snoozed away in the backseat while I listened to some junk morning radio. Along with several celebrity updates I couldn't care less about, came a topic that caught my attention: When your man works full time and you are the stay at home mom, does it dismiss all household help from his responsibilities? The specific family the talk show was referencing was one where the woman stayed at home with their children, and took on the usual dishes, laundry, shopping, childcare that comes along with the SAH title, and also grocery shops and cares for her husband's parents. When her husband returns from work, he expects dinner ready, and to do nothing but relax since he was the one who went to work all day.
Several people called in with a variety of opinions and responses. One woman was all worked up about how being a SAH mom is a job - and even more, a job that has no end time, unlike the husband's 9-5. Another woman was outraged, saying that women need to stop complaining about not getting enough help from their husbands once they return home from work, because if they were single parents, they'd be doing it all on their own, and therefore should be thankful they have someone paying the bills and coming home each night.
Why does it have to be so black and white? I am a SAH mom with a full time working husband, and I don't side with either of those callers' opinions. In our home, there are no rules regrading chores, cooking, or errands. What we do works because we respect each others hard work.
I do agree that staying home with children is a full time job with no "end time" - especially here, where our little Hannah still wakes several times a night. It's a full time job, but it's not always tough. I can gear our day around how I am feeling; if I didn't get much sleep, maybe I'll plan a movie day and spend the day in pajamas, snacking on the couch with my girls - a luxury my husband does not have at his job. If he was kept up all night with a crying baby, too bad, he's still up when that alarm goes off and works until his shift is through. It would be selfish of me to expect him to walk through that door and take on the two kids and cook dinner just so I could kick my feet up. I'm sure I had a few small moments to do that throughout the day. When he gets home, I give him his time to unwind.
I consider the household stuff "my" job, but if I don't get to it, Eric has no problem helping me. It eventually gets done, no matter who does it or how many days it may sit there. No stress. With that said, I do expect his help with the girls. Regardless of how hard he worked that day, our family is a shared responsibility. And again, I think we work because of the respect we have for each other. He respects how hard I work at home with the girls, and I respect his work outside of the house. So instead of the useless "I worked harder, I'm more tired" argument, we just help each other out. We give each other down time, but also share responsibilities of the girls, cooking, and whatever else. Other than the fact that I stay home and he goes to work, we have no expectations of each other when it comes to "work". It's how we keep our marriage stress free. If dinner is hot and ready when he gets home, great, if not, it's never a problem. If he had a tough day at work and needs some space when he gets home, he deserves it. He has never complained when I want to take a nap or go for a run. We're married. We're in this together. It's not a competition.
